Not the Day

I am not having a great day today. I want to be able to go and confide in someone about my feelings. I want someone to hug me and tell me that it is going to be OK. I hate when I get into the funks/spells and can't get out of them. I have never felt the need to run to one person for a very long time but I want to call/text her and tell her how i am feeling. I want her to tell me it will be OK and that she will be there for whatever I need. I want her to invite me over so she can show me the TLC that I long for. Why this person? Why at this time? When will i get the nerve to tell her how I truly feel? I want to do it now but I know this is not the right time. I honestly don't feel she will be interested but I miss the conversations we used to have together. I miss confiding in one another. I don't think this is a phase anymore. I want to actively pursue this with her. No one else. I am waiting for my Calm After the Storm. (1:50pm)

HEADACHE

I am tired of this constant headache. You are causing this. I hate the fact that I am allowing you to have this much control over my emotions. Infatuation, obsession, craziness. I don't know what it is but it needs to be released. I hate to be out of control. I don't want to tell you b/c the control will decrease even more. I want to in control of this situation. I want you to know how I truly feel. I want you to want to feel the same way about me. I want for you to feel out of control. I want you to miss me, want me, need me. I know that sounds unhealthy, but I mean it in the healthiest way possible. I have a headache. I want you to know this. God I have a horrible headache. I need to know and want to know what this is. What are these feelings supposed to mean. When will they pass if they pass at all. Someone today told me that maybe I am just lonely. And I am lonely, but the fact of the matter is I want you to be the one who feels my loneliness. I really want to explore your world through your eyes. I want you to want me the way I want you. I have seven days left of this HEADACHE!!!!!!

To Crush or Be Crushed

Crush can be defined in many ways. To press b/t opposing bodies so as to break or injure. To put down; subdue. To overwhelm or oppress severely. To hug, especially with great force. A usually temporary infatuation. One who is the object of such an infatuation. All of these definitions have one major component in common. The outcome of all is usually a negative one. When you say or think you are crushing on someone in the relational sense you usually don't think about the real definition of the word crush.

After months of trying to deny my crush I have come to the realization that the definition I had in mind is and was obviously not the happy one. I have been crushed. My feelings have been subdued. You, the object of my infatuation have taken my feelings and broken them. I opened myself up to your judgement and you gave me the harshest penalty. I have crushed on you and in the process i was crushed. The hardest thing to admit is that no matter how many times I allow you to crush me I will come back for more until I am pure dust.